Sometimes he is the pinnacle of ecstasy, sometimes an unspectacular twitch in the pelvis, he does not even come: Relax and enjoy the sex even without a climax. Then maybe it works.
Can you describe an orgasm? Most feel that the muscles in the lower pelvis are twitching rhythmically. Many experience an ecstatic feeling of happiness that rises above the spinal cord and spreads throughout the body. Others report a pulsating quake that comes in waves. The orgasm can be intense and shallow; lovers experience it differently than self-care, men more often during intercourse than women. Only a few can describe it.
What happens biologically, the sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson have once seen as phases: excitement, persistent strong excitement, orgasm, relaxation? Sounds easy, but is prone to failure and sometimes runs differently – especially in women. What is certain is that, when excited, the blood vessels expand and more blood flows into the cavernous. The penis becomes stiff, the nipples are erect, the vagina becomes moist and the clitoris swells. All this can happen fast.
If the arousal is not disturbed by anything, we start to breathe faster. The testicles are now swelling in men, in women the lower third of the vaginal wall fills with more blood and forms the so-called orgasmic cuff. The muscles in the pelvis tighten in both more and more; the nerves report the excitement to the brain. It approaches the moment when there is no way back.
The muscles of love
At the climax, the brain signals via the nerves: relax everything. That happens quite suddenly. In man, the muscles of the penis, the seminal vesicle, the spermatic duct, the prostate, the urethra, and also the anal sphincter muscles twitch. In the process, seminal fluid is ejected. In women, almost simultaneously, the muscles in the lower vagina and the uterus rhythmically contract, and the sphincter twitches.
In both men and women, these twitches or contractions are repeated less than a second apart. Especially women experience the peak of pleasure very differently: A rather weak climax is already after three to five convulsions over. Some women do not even perceive it as an orgasm. When ecstatic orgasm is the thing is clear: The muscles contract up to 15 times, the entire body shakes, arms, legs, neck – the relaxation waves flood every muscle. And the best thing is: a woman can experience the next climax and another and another. Men, on the other hand, have to take a break first. The good piece will not play for a while now.
The fact that we experience a few muscle contractions as the highest desire – that’s what our brains do. It constantly sends and receives signals during sex. Exactly how the ecstatic feeling arises is still largely unexplored. Likewise, why the consciousness switches off and we lose the sense of space and time. Experiments have shown, however, that the music apparently plays in the right brain.
During orgasm, the so-called alpha waves, which normally act when we are awake, are replaced by theta waves. Those are actually responsible for the transition from waking to sleeping, but can also signal special delight. Other experiments showed that during orgasm, the prefrontal cortex, that is, the part of our cerebral cortex that assesses and transmits sensory impressions, is largely eliminated. We barely perceive the outside world.
Clitoral or vaginal?
It was already a shabby idea of Sigmund Freud, women to tighten a clitoral and a vaginal orgasm: The homemade, clitoral orgasm was immature, was the father of psychoanalysis, and only when a penis penetrates into the vagina, a mature climax is possible. This claim has unsettled the female half of humanity for decades. Many feared that they were not a real woman, possibly even frigid , if they did not experience a vaginal orgasm.
Fortunately, the sex researchers have already cleaned up at the end of the sixties. The physical and nervous reactions are always the same – regardless of whether women clitoral or vaginal storm the summit. The way to the goal is therefore above all a matter of personal preference. Some women experience an undisturbed climax only when they satisfy themselves. Others come only when the clitoris is rubbed directly by sex, by whom ever. Still others find fulfillment only with a filled in vagina, thus by penetration. And then there are few women who sometimes have enough imagination to get going: Their bodies are so excited by pictures in their heads that they trigger an orgasm.
The clitoris always plays with
Since the end of the nineties, it is clear: The clitoris , also called clitoris, is by no means just a lustrous pearl. Her erectile tissue reaches up to ten inches into the body, her highly sensitive nerve endings as well. This has the alleged anatomical difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasm done: The clitoris is always in the game.
Nevertheless, most women distinguish between both variants of the climax. Klitoral he is when finger or tongue irritate the clitoris to orgasm. It is vaginal when the movements of the limb trigger the decisive moment. The clitoral peak is perceived by many women as more intense. But that does not necessarily mean they enjoy it more. Sexually satisfied they are in animated togetherness, so when they come to sexual intercourse to climax – with and without stroking the pleasure-pearl.
Men just have it. You do not need to know much about her body to recognize her genitals. And the best way to lend a hand is to have them out fast as boys: Adolescents almost always have their first orgasm with themselves. And once the pleasure has been discovered, then it goes on cheerfully. Almost everyone is doing it. For stimulation, they try out what’s in store: pictures in the head, photos of naked women, porno magazines, porno films, also on the internet.
This is a bit different for girls. Maybe they discovered early where it feels good. But still they learn from biology books, that there is a small corner that carries the funny name clitoris. That should make the desire. That the cavernosum of the clitoris extend far into the vagina, that the urethral swelling bodies are involved in the arousal or where the G-spot is – they do not know that at first. Also, not what signals your body sends when aroused. That is fatal. Because those who do not know that, for example, the erectile tissue fill with blood, it hardly realizes. Guys just have to look.
The easy way to the summit
No wonder many women satisfy themselves later in life. Although, according to a study, about half of all 15-year-olds have already given orgasm by hand. However, other surveys paint a more pessimistic picture. No matter when it starts: self-exploration is good. Women discover their bodies, become sexually confident and sensitive to the intricacies of stimulation.
Masturbation or masturbation is so pleasurable, because no one bothers: no stress, having to come together, not afraid to do the wrong thing. And the imagination is allowed to do and leave what she wants. Most women rarely have orgasm problems with soloed. Masturbation is the easiest way to the summit.
In the past, masturbation often contained the blemish of substitute gratification, even of sin. That is fortunately over, at least in western, religiously liberal societies. Most men and women experience the pleasurable solo as an independent variety of sexuality – often with very intense orgasms. They enjoy that. Masturbation can also inspire the sex of two: Who knows his sexual desires and expresses more often.
If you’re constantly checking how agitated you are, and lurking over whether the orgasm is coming soon, it’s likely to be gone. Self-observation and achievement pressure are the main enemies of the climax. Especially heterosexual men often find it useful to control their arousal in order to prolong their enjoyment and to give their loved one more time. But if they make it a compulsory exercise to bring the woman by all means of love art to the climax, that can quickly degenerate into competitive sports – and go thoroughly wrong. The tangible tension does exactly the opposite of what was intended. She can not let go at the crucial moment and feels bad, he feels like a failure and may have erectile problems .
Almost every woman has ever faked an orgasm. But only a few regularly pull this trick through. Mostly they do it for the sake of their counterpart. So that the dearest person feels affirmed, comes faster or just because they think they owe a corresponding “show”. The theater can have bad consequences, some women do not dare to come out with the truth anymore.
Orgasm is not a must
Be aware: an orgasm is not a must. A simultaneous not at all. You can enjoy their intimacy without a climax. It helps couples when they just whistle to the top. Then they finally divert their eyes from this supposed permanent problem, to relaxed physical closeness, to tenderness, to the fun of lovemaking. And lo and behold: Often it works quite unexpectedly.
For orgasm problems usually the psyche sparks in between. Women and men often go too stressed to the supposedly most beautiful thing in the world. Behind the difficulties, however, there can be the fear of giving oneself to another person and thereby losing control. If the peak not reached is always an issue for you and if you or your relationship is suffering from it, then sexual counseling or sex therapy can help.
Rarely does the orgasm remain purely physical. This happens especially when the nerves are damaged. The signal for arousal does not arrive in the brain, and the brain cannot give the go-ahead for the orgasm. If women come very quickly, this is usually not a problem; they can reach the summit several times. Difficult it is when men are often involuntarily done too soon. Do not hesitate to seek expert help with regular premature orgasm.